I consider myself an ambitious person. I have always striven to achieve more, do better, push myself and work harder. I consider myself resilient, and capable of pushing through difficulties.

I’ve never been blind about this; I’ve always found it rewarding, and although there have been times when I have grinded for the sake of grinding it was always because I had a larger goal in mind. Perhaps that was completing a degree, perhaps it was proving that I was capable of doing something I thought impossible. And I want to be very clear: I don’t believe in hard work simply for its own sake. You should always strive to understand your motivations, and why you are striving for something ambitious.

When your back is up against the wall there’s always the question lurking in your mind: should I quit, or should I keep going? There’s no right or wrong here. My inclination is to keep pushing. But at some point you have to ask yourself: at what point is it enough? At what point should you decide to stop pushing, and accept things the way the are?

Over the past few years I’ve tried to practice more gratitude and appreciation for everything in my life - no matter how small.

This somehow feels at odds with ambition; instead of working harder and getting a better job, why not be appreciative for what I have right now? Instead of being dissatisfied with a process, why not strive to improve it? Instead of whishing things could be improved, why not accept the way things are?

I find this really difficult. Problem solving starts with noticing problems! And to notice you have to have a level of ‘dissatisfaction’; you have to be able to acknowledge that the problem exists. When I think about being more appreciative, it’s almost like I want to put my head in the sand, and just accept where I am. After all, if you are satisfied with the way something is, that means you don’t find fault with it. But constantly finding fault with things is (1) exhausting, (2) a negative outlook and (3) an approach to life that means you are always wanting more, seeking more, trying to attain something better.

Maybe it is possible to be both satisfied and seek improvement; this is a hard balance that I haven’t yet found.

It makes me question whether ambition itself (with its lofty goals of changing the world, having an impact, etc.) is misguided. It also sometimes makes me feel like I’m always ‘fighting’ the flow of things; instead of just accepting how things are, you’re always pushing for change, and striving to ‘make things better’. On the other hand, when you just go with the flow, things are somehow easier, and there’s less effort against the universe.

Which sounds great, but I worry that it means that you miss opportunities, and that you don’t strive to do things because they are difficult, because they require active effort and going against the flow of things to succceed.

I still don’t have any answers here. If you always push, and don’t succed, what then? You have just wasted your time working and grinding. And if you never push you will at least have some balance, and some joy in things outside of work. But then you are never pushing! And at the end of the day you might feel like you never fulfilled your potential, or had the impact you would’ve known yourself possible of.